How to become a woman
Question: I am 26 years old, but I never found out what it means to like a man, to be loved. I have never had a boyfriend in my life (I even have no idea about kisses, not to mention sex). Recently I found out that I do not know what to talk about on a dating site, in ICQ. Long thought, why did I become so? And she seems to have found the answer in her family. Mom is a teacher "to the marrow of bones," his father is an alcoholic, who still raises a hand at mom, the younger ones are a brother and sister, whom I took away so that they would not see these terrible pictures, and she stayed nearby to "help" mom . It became a "shell", because of which I am still alone.
Responds to Oleg Sus, a psychotherapist, a therapist at the Research Institute of Social Psychology and Psychology of Personality Development
Answer: You may be surprised, but each girl and each guy had some kind of situation. Someone is already, and you are not. Moreover, you are a great clever girl: you figured out the reasons for this state of affairs on your own. Dad is an alcoholic and too right mom. Because of dad you are afraid of men. And Mom’s influence is manifested in the fact that you have to do everything right, and sex is, you see, not the right thing. In addition, I think that from your mother you generally regard sex as something dirty and bad. Of course, it’s scary to give oneself to such a thing. And even though you understand everything with your head, inside is fear.
Since childhood, you are accustomed to switch to a parental role in a dangerous situation. This is understandable: you had to protect the younger brother and sister from the father. Yes, and for your own mother in her showdown with your father, you were like a mother - comforted her, helped her. I think you learned in a terrible situation to "jump out" to the parental position. And now, when a handsome man is nearby, you are worried and become a mom! And such a position quenches flirtation, because men should not have sex with moms.
I invite you to leave a reliable parental position. Let's start by communicating online. Track how you are usually scared and become a mom. Next time, take a chance: continue to be afraid, but look at the pages and read what men write. Together with fear, you can feel all other feelings. Write a message if you are interested in something or are very worried. It is the same. While chatting without sex. At first - a pleasant conversation. We consider this to be what the "doctor prescribed." And then we'll see ...
Although it can be faster. You know, your story is somewhat reminiscent of the tale of the Sleeping Beauty. Something important happened a long time ago, in childhood. And the girl falls asleep for many, many years, for example, for sex and live communication. Time passes, and the Sleeping Beauty sleeps in a restless sleep (where is the prince?). I have a great friend - Mitya Sokolov. He is a famous fairy tale therapist, author of books and just a master. Find his books or go to the training. Mitya surprisingly cleverly organizes the spell of Sleeping Beauties. The princes come to him too.
IN: Everyone says: "Love yourself, and others will treat you differently." And how to do it - to love yourself?
ABOUT: Take a piece of paper and write manifestations of self-love. In the column. Well, for example, 50 points. And even better - all 100. A hundred real ways of manifesting self-love. Wrote? Next - write a plan of how you will put it all into practice. Moreover, all points must be implemented within a month. Let’s take it seriously: do it! If you postpone something for the next month, add a replacement item. Just replace it proportionally so that it doesn’t turn out that “I’ll start to treat myself like a talented specialist” and replaced with “I’ll make myself happy with chocolate”.
And one more tip: look at yourself in the mirror every day, admire, accept yourself. At the same time, hug yourself tightly and tell yourself: "I am good." Then say: "I accept myself for who I am." And so every day. That, in fact, is all.
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