My big and kind dad
Many dads are sure that they will certainly join in the upbringing when the kids grow up, when they need an mentor-intellectual who is able to instill in the younger generation imperishable values and share knowledge about complex concepts, and before that, mother is enough. Often women support this misconception in every possible way, because they are not able to weaken control and allow dad to share with the mother the dominant place in the life of the child. Is it correct?
The role of the father in the modern family It remains not only very complex, but also surprisingly dramatic. To begin with, couples are increasingly destroying the stereotypes of sexual roles in the family: more and more fathers, rolling up their sleeves, completely take care of caring for children. Experience shows that in such families, dads cope with all the wisdom of caring for children no worse than mothers. But, despite this relatively new dynamic in family relations, the most common scenario remains the same: the mother, who completely cares for the child, and the father, who invariably finds himself on the periphery of family life. Such a balance of power does not benefit either the child or the couple. How is father pushed to the periphery and what can be opposed to this?
The dynamics of marital and parental relations develops from the first day of the union. The alienation of the father in the first weeks of the baby’s life means one thing: the father will remain on the periphery of the child’s life forever and will perform only limited functions, say, punitive and procurement.
For many families, the beginning of the relationship between dad and child was laid in the family maternity ward, when dad helped mom to get rid of the burden, supported her with a kind word and welcomed the birth of the baby with her!
The first feat of the mother is to invite her father to the nursery and give him equal rights and powers. A loving mother will certainly want the child to have a warm, caring and kind dad. So, she will surely be able to overcome her jealousy and desire to reign supreme in the life of the child. She will certainly allow her father to swaddle, feed, bathe the baby and play with him.
Experience shows that only in a friendly couple both parents stable positive feelings for the child: in such pairs, fathers know their children well and are involved in all spheres of care for them. Dad is an adult conscious man who is sure to cope with his child. From time to time, it is best for mom to give dad the opportunity to chat with the child in private, to feel not as an errand boy, but as a proud father.
GOOD DAD ABLE:
- protect the child from dangers;
- listen carefully;
- to cheer for the success of the child;
- offer useful advice;
- teach to make the right choice;
- praise for good deeds;
- strongly criticize for unseemly misconduct;
- be generous, fair and sensitive;
- follow the rules that he instills in the child.
Fathers and Sons
If the baby knows his father’s gentle voice, his kind face, smell, laughter, if he is used to the caring touches of his father’s hands, then dad will become as important for the baby as his mother. If dad is constantly absent, and arriving late at night, sits down at the TV, this means that gradually the father will be ousted to the periphery of family life. In such a family, the child will adore the celestial dad from afar and consider himself unworthy of dad's attention and love. The cold neglect of the father causes the child a lack of confidence in his dignity, strength and attractiveness.
So what can the father of his child teach in the first years of life? The first and main thing is love. If dad is calm, even and benevolent with mom and affectionate with the child - this means that with his behavior he teaches the baby the first most important lesson in understanding the world order. It is deciphered by a little man something like this: “My parents are kind and good. They love me. The world is bright and reliable. ”
As soon as the baby grows up, his emotional world becomes more complex and contradictory. Here he is jealous of mom for dad (and vice versa). So he enters into an alliance with his mother, kisses her and tries to "be friends with her against the pope." However, it’s worth mom to figure out this trick and not give the chocolate that the baby just begged for, as he, without a twinge of conscience, will go over to his father and try to set him up against the “evil mother who does not give sweets”. At this stage, Mom and Dad are equally responsible for preventing the two-three-year-old peanut from embodying the coveted principle: “Divide and conquer”. Mom and Dad teach the child an important lesson: parents are always in solidarity, do not criticize each other in the presence of the child and do not gain cheap popularity. In the child’s value system, parental competency is at the top. Dad should be proud of his skills, tell children about them, and introduce them to his hobbies. Fishing, football, going to a rock concert, to the zoo - these events will become invaluable treasures in the treasury of children's feelings and memories. Is it worth recalling that mom should instill in children respect for dad. Both parents will not be mistaken, emphasizing all those good qualities of a partner who once so attracted them to each other. The child goes to school. It is very important for him to be proud of his parents and to know that he can rely on them. A caring dad will tell that he was also worried when he first went to school, that he, too, was not all easy. Children are selflessly listening to their parents' childhood stories. Properly selected, these stories help children see elders unprotected, inexperienced, funny, and touching.
The older the child, the more difficult his relationship with his father, who personifies strength, wisdom and power. If the father has been a close friend of the child all the previous years, then, most likely, he will come to his father in adolescence for advice.
The relationship of the daughter with the father
The father is the model of the chosen one for the daughter. Therefore, do not be surprised if a girl of four or five years old begins to flirt unconsciously with her dad. Her coquetry is an unconscious desire to subjugate her father. Some dads lose their heads for joy. Dad is very pleased to be the main and only person in the life of a child who until recently roamed the shadow of his mother.
It is easy to understand the emotions of fathers in a similar situation, but it is a trap! If you get into it, it will be very difficult to get out: your parental authority will suffer. Moments of violent love will be replaced by scenes of rage and impotent anger.
What to do? Dad should treat the child’s inept passion with respect, understanding, and mature firmness. After assuring his daughter that he loves her very much, dad must adhere to the rules that were developed in the family before the daughter entered the phase of “falling in love with dad”, do not let her speak badly about mom, upset the baby when she tries to stop dad kiss mom coming from work. It’s important to say: “I love you. You are my wonderful daughter. I love mother. She is my beautiful wife. ”
In the first school years, dad is invaluable in the role of an interested listener, ardent fan, discreet adviser and solid mentor. A girl in adolescence becomes more secretive with her father. Daughters at this time, as a rule, cling more to mothers, although they watch their fathers vigilantly. Most of the girls at this time are interested in how the relations between parents develop: they “try on themselves” parental marriage on a scale: “This suits me. But this will be completely different for me. ”
The girl often discusses her first timid hobbies with her friends and mom. The pope has to be content with vague hints. The more tact and generosity the pope shows, the more willing the daughter will begin to share her heartfelt feelings with him. Delicacy and tact require from the pope that he does not comment on the appearance of intimate belongings of the growing daughter. However, he must be prepared for the fact that the daughter wants to share with him the most intimate and exciting - the transformation from girl to girl.
Many dads really suffer when their daughter falls in love seriously. Jealousy and hostility towards a chosen one who dares to touch your daughter is a very common reaction of fathers. It is much more constructive to invite a young man home, to establish serious, “male” relations with him. A good start is to tell the young man that you respect your daughter, appreciate her positive qualities and expect that the young man will also appreciate and respect your girl.
If young people decide to leave, dad is better not to interfere. Let the daughter and her chosen one learn to make independent decisions and make their own mistakes.
Relationship between son and father
Father is a model of a true man for his son. If a three-year-old boy imitates the smoking process, then his dad is most likely a heavy smoker. If the boy yells to his mother: “Shut up!” “He probably just imitates dad.” The father will have to abandon all the habits that he does not want to instill in his son.
The older the child, the more important it is for him to experience not only love but also respect for his father. The requirements of the child are becoming more serious: can dad swim? How much does he earn? Does God Believe? Growing up, the son will make more conscious attempts to resemble his father: carefully copy his walk, manners, style of clothing. If the son identifies himself with his father, this means that he admires the pope and wants to be like him in everything.
Dad is the best adviser for his son on sensitive issues of sex education. He should be ready to honestly answer many "uncomfortable" questions. Remember that teens tend to talk about their first hobbies, carefully masking their vulnerability and insecurity. Therefore, their tone is rude, and sometimes the words are obscene. A tactful dad will explain to his son that there is nothing shameful in the fact that the boy fell in love, he will tell you the right tone, he will find simple and kind words, he will give illustrative examples from his youth.
What kind of dad is he?
Men of this type are prone to sybarism. It’s easier for them to allow the child a ton of sweets and unlimited computer games - if only they wouldn’t tear their dad away from their favorite football or book. Such a dad, as a rule, shakes the child’s regime over the weekend and drives his wife into a frenzy, who has been trying to instill the basics of discipline throughout the week. He avoids conflicts with the child. Preschoolers love these dads. But already in pre-adolescence, they cease to respect his father, begin to be rude to him and lead defiantly. Having made a small effort on himself, daddy dad pretty quickly gets drawn into a more intense relationship with the child, begins to enjoy playing with him and becomes an excellent educator.
It's a shame to see when the role of the father is limited by the supply functions, because each dad can share with the child much more important things than the contents of the wallet. No matter how busy Papa may buy gifts from children, at heart he is unsatisfied, annoyed and feels guilty for replacing genuine attention with toys. Children willingly use the parental wallet, but do not forgive the indifference and lack of genuine interest in their fate. Advice to father-ants: work a little less! A more modest lifestyle will not harm your family, but you can enjoy games and conversations with your children.
This dad can't get past a little disturbance. He requires unquestioning attention and strictly exacts for every fault. As a rule, such a dad reads long notations to a child, chooses books to read, a sport to be practiced, and circles to attend. The “Papa-Controller” often scolds and humiliates the child with outsiders. A week without sweets, a month without a TV - these are his harsh sentences. Children are afraid of such dads, trying to hide their mistakes from them. Children often develop low self-esteem, insecurity. The Papa Comptroller should have more fun and chat with his child at ease.
But using a father as a formidable punisher is a sin! Don't give in, dad! You are not an appendage to the belt, and forceful methods of education rarely bring a positive result. Think together how to discipline the child, otherwise he will be afraid of you and will cease to trust you.